I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.

No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones.

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.