I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying "We don't have to fix anything."

A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.

As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. "How the hell did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.