I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

Then let's print up some flyers!

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.