I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

The customer’s always right.

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!