I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

A lot of bands have intense names, like "Rigor Mortis" or "Mortuary". We weren't that intense, we called ourselves "Injured". Later on we changed it to "Acapella" when we were walking out of the pawn shop.

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!