A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, "Hey, do you mind if I join you?" Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.

Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right'.