I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK.

Stand-up is an art but since it's humor and it's funny - a lot of guys that don't think it's art are probably coming from the angle that they don't want to take it so seriously. I've always looked at it as an art but I don't look at it as a pretentious art. I understand it has to be taken lightly because it is just comedy in the end, but the good stand-up comics are someone with something to say.

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.

I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.