I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.

I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!

It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.