People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake!" "He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"