If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?
A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can
You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.
[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.
Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one.
My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.