Moms Mabley Quotes

I don't want nothing old but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That's what I'm gonna do with it.

Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

Black women, white women- all of them. I'm colorblind. I don't know the difference. I only know you're a human being and you're my children.

Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move.

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.

Use those brains that God put in your head.

Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody.

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.

It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.

Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one.

A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can