You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.

Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one.

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.