Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!

Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody.

Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move.

It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.

I don't want nothing old but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That's what I'm gonna do with it.

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.