Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!

It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.

Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!