A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can
[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.
You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.
Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one.
Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.
Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody.