It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.

Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody.

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

Use those brains that God put in your head.

Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.

Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!