[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.
Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move.
Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.
The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.
A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can
[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.