[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

I don't want nothing old but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That's what I'm gonna do with it.

Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.

It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.