The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.

Use those brains that God put in your head.

A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can

Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody.

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.