[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.

If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?

You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.

The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

Use those brains that God put in your head.

[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.