Everything I tell you is true, but this is factual.

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.

You know what I want you to do? I want you to blow out the candle and curse the darkness.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

I used to go out with actresses and other female impersonators.