I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

I found people looked better when they laughed

There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.

A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now.

You haven't lived until you've died in California

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.