A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.

I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.