Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

We claim we believe in compassion, which is an abstract, and when it's personified we discredit the man

My life needs editing.

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.