My life needs editing.

Remember when movies were just good or bad, before auteurs, film festivals, and guys from USC who were the first to shoot underwater?

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.