If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?

If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.

I took benzedrine - I got clairvoyance. With benzedrine you can have a very wide view of the world, like you can decide the destiny of man and other pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?

Remember when movies were just good or bad, before auteurs, film festivals, and guys from USC who were the first to shoot underwater?

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

Every time the Russians throw an American in jail, the Committee throws an American in jail to get even.