If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?

I used to go out with actresses and other female impersonators.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

The distance between taking social action and having the knowledge is as wide as the mouth of the Mississippi.

We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.