We claim we believe in compassion, which is an abstract, and when it's personified we discredit the man

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!

I'm not a liberal, I'm a radical!

This matter of two sides to every question is bad logic and bad practice: sometimes there are no sides; sometimes there are a hundred.