College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.
The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.
Guys should not be allowed to use the Internet all day long. So sad.
Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.
For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.
Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.