Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'

I do think people are definitely sick of the Kardashians.

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

It's a human instinct to be known.

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.