Standing on a ledge again. Everyone laughs at dancing monkey with the typewriter. Not for long, though.

Once you've opened yourself up, it's best to go all the way.

I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.

You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Its either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple

Writing is an escape from a world that crowds me. I like being alone in a room. It's almost a form of meditation- an investigation of my own life.

How long do you want to wait until you start enjoying life? When you're sixty-five you get social security.