Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

What I adore is supreme professionalism. I’m bored by writers who can write only when it’s raining.

Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.

Though the fact that they have to be rebuilt And frequently mortgaged to the hilt Is inclined to take the gilt Off the gingerbread, And certainly damps the fun Of the eldest son.

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

Of course, the age-old tradition that a star must appear even if he or she is practically dying is an excellent one, but it can be carried too far. I one played a performance of The Knight of the Burning Pestle with a temperature of 103 and gave sixteen members of the company mumps, thereby closing the play and throwing everybody out of work. There may be a moral lurking somewhere in this, but I cannot for the life of me discover what it is.

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.