Of course, the age-old tradition that a star must appear even if he or she is practically dying is an excellent one, but it can be carried too far. I one played a performance of The Knight of the Burning Pestle with a temperature of 103 and gave sixteen members of the company mumps, thereby closing the play and throwing everybody out of work. There may be a moral lurking somewhere in this, but I cannot for the life of me discover what it is.

Though the fact that they have to be rebuilt And frequently mortgaged to the hilt Is inclined to take the gilt Off the gingerbread, And certainly damps the fun Of the eldest son.

Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn't everyone?

It's never too early for a cocktail.

There's always something fishy about the French.

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.

Star quality: I don't know what it is, but I've got it.