I couldn't have invented crisps. ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. ... I invented apples. ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil.

I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.

I find it depressing that people think you have to be on drugs to watch [my stuff], that’s a cop out, use your brain, use your imagination.

Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.

I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.

I don't pick stuff up, I knock stuff down!

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.