I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.

I couldn't have invented crisps. ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. ... I invented apples. ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil.

I'd have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn't too harsh - a good comedy crowd - but that don't know necessarily what you're doing.

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.

The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.

My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.

We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys