They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.

It is better to be idle than employed in ill.

All kinds of violence on the TV. You're not supposed to watch violence on the TV. Children, they can't watch it 'cause they're afraid maybe the kids will copy something they see on the TV. I can't even get a funny cartoon anymore because some 12-year-old somewhere watched a particularly violent episode of the Road Runner-Coyote show, and the next day, they found him at the bottom of a canyon, two giant springs strapped to his feet.

Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.

I'm happy doing stand-up, but I'll probably do a television show eventually. If not, I'll delve into this Internet world and decide best how to harness it. What I like best about it is the independent movie style and the ability to just be completely reckless within that world. I like that a lot. I just have to acquaint myself with technology.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.