I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.

I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!

I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.