I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.

I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

I don't have any ambition.