Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.

OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote 'Hey, they're still alive, aren't they?'

In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.