I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.

I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.

The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.

I guess [Richard] Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.

I'm happy doing stand-up, but I'll probably do a television show eventually. If not, I'll delve into this Internet world and decide best how to harness it. What I like best about it is the independent movie style and the ability to just be completely reckless within that world. I like that a lot. I just have to acquaint myself with technology.