Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.

In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.

You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the motion of the ocean, it's the boat of the lotion.' I've even heard variants..., it's not the tree or the size, it's the axe that you wax.' It's a whole sub-genre of poetry now that's taught in many of our finer institutions.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.