Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.

I don't do much. I'm too lazy. That's my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow - a big truck could hit me - paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn't effect my lifestyle a bit really.

Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.

I can't be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I'll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.