There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.

The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.

Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.

If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.