There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.

You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.

The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

I completely understand why a businessman would fire me from 'Saturday Night Live'. Because he was seeing Jay Leno kill 10 minutes a night, doing his monologue with wall-to-wall laughs and applause, then I do 10 minutes a week to, sometimes, breathtaking silence. He's just listening for the laughs.