There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.

Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.