I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.

In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.