I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.

The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.