When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.

There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.

Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.

Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.