I can't be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I'll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.

Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.