I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.

I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

It is better to be idle than employed in ill.

OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote 'Hey, they're still alive, aren't they?'