I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.

The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].

I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.