The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.

I completely understand why a businessman would fire me from 'Saturday Night Live'. Because he was seeing Jay Leno kill 10 minutes a night, doing his monologue with wall-to-wall laughs and applause, then I do 10 minutes a week to, sometimes, breathtaking silence. He's just listening for the laughs.

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.

The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!

There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.