The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.

I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.

I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.

A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.