I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?

He that searches for praise will often find contempt.

A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.

There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.