I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.

Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.

In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.