I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.

Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.

OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote 'Hey, they're still alive, aren't they?'

Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.

I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.

Ever see this? It's a homeless guy but he's got a dog... The dog's really thrilled with this idea. The dog's going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.