Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.

There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.