Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.

He that searches for praise will often find contempt.

I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.

I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.