With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.

A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.