Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.

Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.

A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

We advise others better than ourselves.