The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.

I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.

I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.