Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!

I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.

When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.

[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.