Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!

I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money.

I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.

Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.